Freedom From $cratch

2018: Rejuvenation

Last year was all about figuring out my finance game plan and Saying Yes to opportunities to forge new relationships with people.

This year is about slowing down a bit and turning the focus inward. Taking the things that worked really well last year and using them to fuel me from the deep well of lasting change that exists within all of us if we’re quiet enough to hear the splash.

In 2017, I spent $19,062.24 on Past Self choices. I have about $23,000 left to repay and if I maintain only my current payment schedule it’ll be gone entirely by July of 2019.

I took a slightly different work position in October, that grew out of my former role, and a big part of it is office based. I’ve literally never had a job where I’m sitting let alone sitting at a computer, and I’ve discovered that not only is it affecting my physical movement (which I expected) but my writing, as the last thing I want to do when I get home is type on a keyboard.

Up until now, I’ve used this blog as my occasional outlet for accountability and haven’t made a schedule or put any work into growing readership, because of things like the above. The motivation I get from the personal finance online community is valuable to me and I don’t want to turn any part of my PF bubble into an obligation. I do, however, see how big a difference writing here more often made to sticking to my financial goals – my spending toward the end of the year crept back to 2015 levels which wasn’t ideal.

“I have arrived” is my favorite Thich Naht Hahn walking meditation. It perfectly encompasses how I want to live this year.

My goals for the coming year:

Pay off at least $20,000 of debt. We aren’t offered overtime currently so I’ll have to try to pick up a few casual shifts at my side job and take on any housesitting opportunities that pop up.

Lean back from the Say Yes project and focus on things that enrich my inner life: Continuing yoga (paid classes), cycling with my bike shop, camping/hiking, and taking time to write and read. The only major expected expense for any of these categories is building a dynamo hub wheel for my bike in the spring in anticipation of longer randonneuring rides next season.

Ensure I get adequate sleep throughout the week. This directly impacts my finances, because a tired Kat means a Kat that is more tempted to skip packing lunch and buy food in the cafeteria (just last week) or drive to work instead of leaving 30 minutes earlier to bike or use transit (for free).

Continue frugalizing social events. Eat before meeting friends at the pub; bring snacks and beverages on bike rides; continue seeking free admission events to museums; continue limiting music shows that aren’t supporting a friend directly.

The big one, that will likely be difficult halfway through the year based on 2017: ZERO FRIVOLOUS PERSONAL SPENDING. I’m starting with the Frugalwoods’ Uber Frugal January and will reevaluate in March. Things like impulse shopping before dates (rare but did happen in November), buying ink for my favorite pen (when I have sample jars waiting), and take away coffee (no excuse) are just plain off limits.

The way I’ve framed these are not exactly detailed, actionable SMART goals. My focus this year is more on how I want to feel, not what I want to do or even where I want to be one year or five years from now. I want to pay off debt so that I can feel unencumbered by budgeting so strictly (and the spending creep that followed). I want to focus back inward to feel less frenetic in my personal interactions. I want to remain open to new people and new potential adventures while staying true to myself and my core values, building only those relationships that are mutually satisfying. I want to be well rested and well fed to fuel my body and my inner fire.

I am starting 2018 with peace in my heart and a sense of anticipation for the wonder this year will bring!

How about you?

Frugal Finance Friday: Pumpkin Spice edition

Hi friends! Welcome to Not So Frugal At ALL Friday!

I have two new roommates, my son’s friends, as of last week and it’s been incredibly fun so far! My biggest takeaway with having an all-girl household is that we use a LOT more toilet paper!

I spent a fair chunk on Billy shelves from IKEA to build a pantry wall in the kitchen — this is something I’ve meant to do for several years as the kitchen, remodeled in the 70’s, has limited storage. I’d previously used the smallest bedroom as my pantry but it’s now occupied by someone who probably wouldn’t fancy sleeping with a bunch of mason jars and cooking supplies 🙂 From the way my house is laid out it seems the original owner used the basement for storage of dry goods (there’s an awesome pantry space under the stairs tucked behind a sneaky sliding door). I haven’t used the (semi-finished, also in the 70’s) basement for anything but storage of other people’s bikes and boxes in a few years.

This may change soon, however! We’re planning to scrub down the whole space this weekend and, time allowing, rip up the remaining carpet and start to repaint.

Spending this past week:

Friday $15.99 — Goo Gone, light pulls, and a ceiling fan light socket replacement.

Saturday $403.57 — $19.74 for Coffee beans, soap, and a $5 latte! Ok, it wasn’t pumpkin spice after all, I don’t tolerate sugar well, but it was creamy and delicious and I enjoyed it very, very much. $356.95 at Ikea for shelving – and not a single candle or wooden bowl or houseplant even though my consumer brain really wanted all of those things. $26.88 treating my new roomies to lunch for helping me transport shelves and deal with the insanity of Ikea on a Saturday.

Sunday $44.42 — Groceries at one store, pet food, and decaf coffee beans.

Monday $48.02 — The rest of my groceries at the other store, a litterbox for the basement as I’ve removed the main floor box in my kiddo’s former room, and backer rod for the tub surround I’m in the very slow process of recaulking (the slow part is the caulk removal. I won’t be reusing silicone, just sayin’).

Tuesday $18.78 — A box of wine. I haven’t purchased much alcohol for home in the past six months. I’ve noticed when I’m craving wine it’s often about how my gut feels — I’ve been trying to reintroduce grains into my diet and it’s not going well. My stomach feels much better with a glass of red – not white – and not tea or carbonated Lacroix or even vinegar-based shrubs. I don’t have anything against alcohol as a rule — my primary doc actually has discussed with me that my historic use of a drink before social situations that cause anxiety and high blood pressure is safer than using anti-anxiety medication — but it’s annoying to know I could send that $20 to debt if I just drank water.

Wednesday $0

Thursday $0

It was really, really rewarding buying things for a house project. That type of spending and subsequent activity is something I do miss from my not-in-debt days!

(whooops somehow this didn’t publish on 10/27!)

Finance Friday: Week Three

Summer events are slowly winding down.

This weekend looks to be the last in a string of fully booked days off, so my spending should have a corresponding downturn as well. I hadn’t tallied the numbers before today but feel good about my spending choices this week. They were considered and fell in line with Saying Yes to social events, without going too far overboard.

Friday I met friends for happy hour and spent ZERO! They very sneakily paid for my one drink and I stuck my one-and-done-no-food guns for the night. Skipped dance night where I’d have spent more money and went swimming while the water and air were still steamy and delightful.

Saturday I spent $75.89 on groceries and $28.80 out and about. I was at a conference for most of the day, eating lots and lots of catered food for free. I met friends for dinner out where they’d kindly ordered me a drink while I was biking there (oops…they’ll learn my cheap ways eventually) and I ordered one appetizer. Topped the night off at another friend’s music performance which was worth far more than the door price we actually paid. SUCH a great night of biking and laughing and singing and storytelling!

Sunday I spent $73 on a long-held-the-money-aside purchase of two floor stools from Ikea. I have no typical sitting furniture in my living room, which I love as does my back and joints, but my son’s friends aren’t as keen. These were their suggestion and so far they’ve worked out great! The cat is especially in love 😉 This has been a delayed purchase for about a year,and totally not a necessity, but I finally bit the bullet because two of my kiddo’s friends are moving in with me next month. I actually caught myself looking at couches on Craigslist but these were a cheaper option that better fit my hate-sitting-in-furniture-that’s-terrible-for-my-body lifestyle 😉

Monday I spent $32.33 on one tank of gasoline.

Tuesday I spent ZERO.

Wednesday I spent ZERO.

Thursday I spent ZERO.

Today I spent $6.10 on cafeteria food after forgetting half my food for a late shift.

Meal planning is back in full swing, but has NOT been worthy of posting here, ha! I am realizing that keeping it automated and boring is the key to losing impulsive behaviors. No more “I feel like chocolate chip cookies! Let’s go to the store!” or “I feel like Pringles! Yum!” when I stick to a boring list of boring food. Weekends have been so busy lately, I haven’t noticed how redundant my overall meal spread is, but true fall brings out the former foodie in me so it’ll be fun to add my favorite soups and casseroles back in to rotation.

How about you? Are you feeling different spending urges now that the seasons are changing? Have a great week!

Frugal Finance Friday: Week Two

This week feels more like my normal low key money self.

Less outings with new friends, more introspection and gettin’ stuff done around the house. It’s not quite fall weather yet around here so I plan to spend this coming weekend outside in the free hot steamy cloud-lined world.

Friday I spent ZERO.

Saturday I spent ZERO. I decided not to see a dance performance and caught up on sleep instead.

Sunday I spent $69.43. $18 on wine (hmph), $13 on allergy remedy, and the rest on groceries. I purchased a new bag of wheat-less flour and read the price label wrong…. it was $10 more than I thought. I’d better get to baking!

Monday I spent ZERO.

Tuesday I spent $11.83 on one bag of dog food.

Wednesday I spent just under $10 for fancy cheeses to take to a friend’s where we sat in the sunshine and ate yummy snacks and caught up on life.

Thursday I spent ZERO.

Today I plan to spend under $10 meeting friends this evening.

I feel that I’m headed the right direction again, but will likely post here for a couple of weeks to make sure it’s not a temporary blip of mindfulness 🙂

Happy weekend!

Why My Kiddo Attends a Private University

I’ve felt from day one that my job as a parent is to see who my child is and help him navigate the world through that lens. My former husband and I always agreed that whatever vocation our son was drawn to was just fine with us and we’d help him figure out how to attain that goal. What we didn’t feel was necessary: college just for the sake of attending.

My son knew from very early on that he wanted to be an engineer. His specific interests varied but he was always designing things and modeling ideas on paper and was obviously adept at higher math.

School itself, however, wasn’t a total cakewalk; some subjects were quite difficult. He developed study habits and a work ethic that put me to shame, and made an effort to discuss assignments regularly with his teachers. We live in a very sports-oriented state, but he made a decision going into high school to give up his sport so that he would have more time to study.

The high school he chose offered an engineering track in their curriculum and he took all the classes allowed. He applied for and was accepted to an internship in an engineering department where he learned from both mechanical and civil engineers.

When he first looked at schools, one particular university kept popping up over and over as a great fit for his interests. He was never keen on the liberal arts classes in high school and the idea of paying tuition for a year or more of general classes wasn’t appealing. We discussed a variety of schools’ programs and different housing options including living at home.

He always circled back to the curriculum of the one school, but I discovered by accident that he wasn’t going to apply because of the cost: over $50,000 per year.

We had a long discussion about not ruling out his dream school; he could apply to a variety of schools and we’d talk through the decision once acceptance letters came in. He applied and I began researching (and of course kicking myself for not getting my financial house in order sooner in life, ha).

Our local university, which required general courses and isn’t especially outstanding as an engineering school, is approximately $16,000 per year for tuition and books. Room and board if my son chose to live on campus instead of at home would be $9500 per year. I personally am biased toward students living on campus at least for the first year so that was a realistic option for us. Miscellaneous fees and a meal plan weren’t accounted for in our initial investigation, but can range from several hundred to a few thousand dollars.

His dream school added up to $50,015 when he applied – for tuition, room and board, meals, all fees including a school issued laptop, and books. Their curriculum had only one general course that was designed to ensure all students were researching and writing at the expected level. From the day he applied, he was assigned a liaison at the school. His contact checked in regularly throughout the admissions process, making sure we had all the forms submitted on time for financial aid, for example, and answering any questions about individual majors and classes. My son’s liaison called him personally to tell him he was accepted.

In the meantime, the state school he applied to was silent. Eventually he received a postcard saying, “Welcome to XXX” and the admissions packet sluggishly followed.

After he was accepted to dream school, they required we attend an education weekend, where there were a variety of presentations emphasizing how rigorous and difficult their programs are. Halfway through the day, the prospective students were split up by intended major and taken on a tour that included challenges using actual lab equipment and doing a lot of math 🙂 We parents stayed behind and attended lectures on campus safety, the dedication of staff to ensuring their students succeed, and even more emphasis on the intensity of the academics.

Kiddo was super excited after the weekend trip. The curriculum is exactly what he was looking for, and every single employee we spoke with was incredibly engaged in getting to know the students. We felt like the school’s “customer service” was far above any of the other schools we’d visited, and they especially did an excellent job of not sugarcoating their expectations for academic dedication.

The factors that ultimately swayed my son’s decision:

The overall interaction with people at the school made the process very personal. They were evaluating him as him: his experience, talents, and academics, not just test numbers.
He plans to pay for school himself (with loans and money saved from working summers and breaks) so wanted his money well-spent. This school more than fit the bill of not “wasting time” on classes that didn’t pertain to his major.
He was originally looking at a four-year Civil or Mechanical Engineering degree followed by graduate school for Aerospace Engineering. This school offers a 5-year freshman to master’s degree. He will have the same level of education in four years that most students do in their second or third year of graduate programs.
Because of the academics, job placement rates are very high. My son expects to have job offers in his junior year. He will be almost guaranteed to find a job where graduate school would be paid by his employer.
He wants hands-on experience throughout college, since he was exposed to that in high school. This school has some major companies offering summer internships, and these often turn into jobs.
He wants to be in a school that values diversity, which ruled out some of the big hitters early in his search. This school attracts remarkable students from all over the world (I attended a final speech he gave last spring and some of the students’ stories absolutely blew my mind. I was the weirdo with tears running down my face and a giant smile through nearly all the presentations).
He wants to be challenged, and there was no question this school would provide a stimulating environment.

From a financial standpoint:

Dream School offered a tuition deduction that varied in amount for Kiddo’s ACT score. State School did not.
Dream School offered a tuition deduction varying in amount for Kiddo’s GPA. State School did not.
Dream School offered a tuition reduction for attending a summer camp (that Kiddo didn’t attend). State School did not.
Dream School offered a tuition reduction for Kiddo’s engineering-related classes in high school. State School did not.
Dream School offered a tuition reduction for Kiddo’s high school internship. State School did not.

State school would, at bare minimum, cost us $17,000 per year, and more likely $27,000 at least the first year.

The amount left for us to pay at Dream School? $11,000 per year.

Early on in his college research, my son was reading finance blogs and was even leaning at one point toward tech school due to cost, with the hopes he could leverage it into a four-year degree then graduate school. By following his true interests, however, he found the perfect fit for what he wants out of his education.

This isn’t meant to be an advice piece. Rather, it’s one example of one kid who made a choice based on his personal values and goals rather than on money, that turned out to be a better choice financially as well, and will likely pay off even bigger as a newly graduated engineer in a few years.

Frugal Finance Friday: Week One

Well. Last week initially started off great.

Saturday I packed food for two meals, and coffee and water for a planned bike ride.

BUT. It turned into an entire day of activities with new friends that ended up at a pub. I spent more there than if I would’ve been purchasing street food throughout the day. So that clearly backfired in a financial way; but was absolutely glorious in an adventure-with-new-friends-all-day kind of way. I definitely spent too much, though: $50!! I haven’t even spent that much on my birthday dinners in the past few years! ((I left that number out until the very last moment before posting. It’s one of the only purchases I’ve made in the last year that I’m embarrassed about! Which is a good lesson!)) Next time I think I’ll leave my card at home and just take $10 cash as late night impulse purchases of $7 zucchini fritters is NOT in my current budget!

Sunday I spent ZERO. Putzed around the house.

Monday I spent $22 on groceries at Aldi and STUCK TO MY LIST. Usually I’ll visit a nearby grocery store for the few things that end up not in stock at Aldi, but I decided I’ll make it work without (potatoes, squash, onion).

Tuesday I spent ZERO. Day off from work; prepped my meals for the rest of the week. Thought about going paddle boarding since this is likely the last hot week of the year, but decided my $50 purchase on Saturday meant I’d pre-spent any fun money for the remainder of the week. I also declined going to a show with a friend for the same reason (also I’m old enough to not enjoy mornings after going out on a “school night”).

Wednesday I spent $46. I realized I’d forgotten to buy cat litter so stopped at Aldi and bought two jugs of litter and potatoes for $13. I had let my gas tank sit at near-empty in hopes of not driving until absolutely necessary, but was on call overnight Wednesday so filled up for $33.

Thursday I spent $31. I had free biking plans with a group ride and made sure I ate at home first. Per Saturday’s lesson, I had cash to pay for an order of fries and a tip. A new friend asked if I wanted to meet up for happy hour beforehand, and I checked the menu online before leaving my house. When I arrived, my friend had ordered me a whiskey I particularly like that was definitely not on the happy hour menu so I spent a lot more than the $6 I’d planned. I’m glad I had my card on me after all to cover the charge and I’m glad I ate a good meal beforehand. I did stick to my french fry order at the end of the night.

Friday I will spend $0. I’m off work again today (slow week), and have nothing scheduled. Time to make coffee and start a pot of yogurt.

Total spending for the week: $149.

$68 for groceries/gasoline/household items and $81 for frivolity with friends. The latter number is what I most need to focus on – I think my new friendship is established enough now to start avoiding going out to diners and pubs. All my friends are lovely people who would certainly be accommodating if I flat out said I don’t want to spend any money but with new friends I’ve had it backfire a few times where they start offering to pay all the time, which isn’t the point. I feel ok about the why of my fun spending but am not ok with the dollar amount. But it gives me something very actionable to focus on for next week, right? Ha!

Frugal plan for the coming week:

Weekend plans: I’m declining attending a performance by a visiting Indian dancer that is very highly regarded in the arts world. I’ve seen her once before and it was incredible. But I pre-spent the ticket price last Saturday and last night. I have yoga in the morning that is pre-paid and will avoid walking by the new location of my favorite neighborhood coffee shop to see if they’re open yet, ha.

I’m going to continue focusing on meal planning, eliminating pub/diner spending altogether for the rest of September, and bike to work.

I have plenty of yard work to keep me busy this weekend as well!

How has your week been?

Frugal Finance Friday: Checking In

I let mindless spending habits creep back in over the past two months. It’s time for another hard look at what I’m actually spending versus what I think I’m spending.

The budget categories I especially need to focus on are:

Groceries/Household Items
Gasoline
Friend/Family Fun
My Spending

For the month of July in each category I spent:

Groceries/Household Items $388
Gasoline $89
Friend/Family Fun $260 (dining out, paddleboard rentals, life jacket purchase, several tickets to outings <$15 each, camping trip)
My Spending $58 (yoga, paddleboard rentals)

For the month of August in each category I spent:

Groceries/Household Items $421 (!)
Gasoline $59
Friend/Family Fun $110 (dining out, 24 hr community bike ride costs/food, dance night)
My Spending $75 (yoga – worked out to $6/class)

Meal planning fell by the wayside and it absolutely shows in my budget.

I’ve made progress in expanding my social circle and establishing new friendships, but I’m definitely spending more than I want to on food/beverages during outings.

Even though my gasoline usage isn’t extremely high, I have no good reason to drive to work instead of bicycling. I have a weak excuse about sleeping in now that it’s dark in the morning when I leave. I feel so much better physically when I’m biking regularly so it’s high time to get back in the saddle!

At the end of this month I’m planning to drop down to weekly yoga classes now that I’m starting to feel better about not injuring myself without hands-on instruction. It’s been so good for my chronically painful back and overall stress level so I don’t want to give up the motivation of being in a group class.

My plan to hold myself accountable:

Post here weekly with itemized purchases in each category. I’m hoping that the subtle threat of having to list “$2 coffee in the cafeteria when I had perfectly fine free coffee available in the breakroom” will be the motivation I need to buckle down.

Post meal plans weekly. Don’t get your hopes up for great ideas, though, I tend to be a boring repeat eater and take horrible food photos 🙂 I need to curb the recent development of stopping on the way home for “something I forgot”.

Bicycle to work.

I’m aiming for zero family/friend spending this month. Starting now, anyway – I already spent earlier this week. But I’m attending a festival tomorrow and another Sunday, so it will be a good test of my preparedness and commitment to getting my budget back in the green zone.

Do you also find fall a time you need to button up more than just a sweater?

August Spending: How Summer Ran Away From Me

The last two months flew by, and my lack of attention to detail around here (and in my budgeting app) are all too obvious. Historically I’ve tended to spend the most in July and August as these are the only two months I’m socially active every weekend. But wow, did I take this to a level I shouldn’t have this year! My spending is actually down from last year at this time, but still– I’m going to have to buckle down now that fall is rapidly making its presence known.

I use YNAB for budgeting and tracking my spending. I average annual expenditures monthly, so occasional bills such as car insurance have money put aside all year. Thus, in months where I have smaller income I still have enough set aside to cover my expenses.

Fixed expenses $1383: My electric bill has been on a budget plan of $109. I’m currently paying $75 due to credit from low winter usage. City utilities are average. Internet is fiberoptic.
Repayment to my Past Self $1610: Not as much extra toward debt this month. Budget will be a bit tight for a little while because of two months in a row of the following:
Groceries $421: Not meal planning is REALLY starting to show. Some of this was for family meals instead of just me, but dang my food spending has gone up!
Pets $19: Dog food.
Bikes $0
Auto Maintenance $90: Replaced the right front strut. Thank you potholes 🙂 This was yet another frugal win via my kiddo sourcing a discounted part through his job and doing the installation himself!
Gasoline $59
My Spending $75: Yoga membership. This has been SO good for my back. So far with the number of classes I’m attending this has worked out to around $6/class, and I’m new enough post-injury that I really value the eyes on my form.
Family/Friend Funtimes $110: Spending during a community bicycle event; dinner out with a new friend; paddleboarding rentals through my membership doubled w/Groupon; dinners with my kiddo in exchange for walking the dog during the day.
Kiddo: he’s paying his own bills now that he’s home for the summer! Yeah!
Everything Else:
- $24 +1.00 cheater glasses for work – I now have a pair at home and a pair at work. Not necessary but much easier.
- $33 prescription contacts through Hubble – they are a teeny bit big for my eyes but work just fine and cost close to $200 less per month than what I was prescribed!

The Overly Personal But Wow Does It Affect My Spending:

I have been in a social flux over the summer. Spending a little more than I’d like on outings, but more importantly spending more the days after I’m lonely. This year has been difficult on that end, with my son away and my two closest girlfriends having babies in the last year or so. I’ve realized just recently that I feel so adrift because I’ve lost that “daily blah blah” outlet. A jump in usage of personal social media correlates that, but it’s obviously not a suitable replacement for close friendships.

I also am conflicted with feelings for someone that initially pursued me in a dating sense but changed their mind before things got off the ground, and who lately has been making an effort to be friends in a buddy-telling-me-about-his-dates way (ugh). The normal Kat with a well-rounded satisfying emotional life would have no problem simply moving on from that friendship, since my feelings are not subsiding and I don’t care for that dynamic at all. But current wah wah I-want-to-go-do-all-the-outdoor-things-before-summer-ends Kat is drawn to the daily conversation and (free) activities we both enjoy.

How it’s affected my cashflow: I’ve noticed that I don’t go on spending sprees when I am emotionally preoccupied or down, but I DO let all my careful planning go right out the window while I spend the day drinking tea and reading fluff mystery novels or neuroscience books that keep my brain engaged and my heart quiet. This lack of preparation leads to increased spending during the workweek by stopping at the store every couple of days for dinner ingredients rather than sticking to a list.

I’m having a late cocktail with a new frugal friend tonight, so it will be easy to stick to one beverage and not order food. I initially hesitated to go out at all (rather than just meeting to bike on the weekend), but I think I need to start putting energy into ongoing friendships that don’t cause my heartrate to bound all over the place. For the sake of my net worth, of course 🙂

When We Make Spending Choices We Don’t Like

I currently read a fairly narrow span of subjects when it comes to blogs – personal finance of course – followed by simple living, home improvement, and homesteading sites.

At least once a month I come across a statement in various posts along the lines of, “We were lazy so we ordered takeout,” or “Too lazy to mow and now the weeds are taking over!”

my city – from a rooftop where I totally spent $4 on kombucha

The concept of “laziness” in relation to spending choices especially bothers me. Using that term implies an inherent slothfulness towards money in the moment the choice was made. I believe, however, that it also creates a cycle of guilt. Say that we logically hold the belief that we should cook our own dinner instead of ordering in, to further our financial goals. One night we get home late, tired and overly hungry, trip on the cat because he’s hungry too, stub our toe on that same dang corner cabinet, and we recognize that preparing dinner is going to be more of a chore than our current mindset wants to tolerate. So we order Thai food.

We order Thai food, and there’s a little voice in our head that reminds us we don’t want to spend all our money on takeout. Then there’s another little voice that chimes in reminding us we are accountable to an audience and we’ll have to admit we spent money on takeout. Before long there’s a whole chorus admonishing us for a simple choice made in a simple moment where our wants didn’t align with our goals.

Three days later when we’re writing and tallying up our spending for the week, we pen the seemingly innocuous phrase, “We were lazy so we ordered takeout,” and have reinforced to ourselves that we made a “bad” choice.

I believe it’s time we stop labeling our spending decisions as “good” or “bad” — especially to ourselves.

To me this dichotomy just reinforces the “treat” mentality many of us fight so hard to overcome. Assigning emotional value to spending choices is also how many of us got into debt situations in the first place! Making ourselves feel guilty just adds to the pile of subconscious beliefs we have about our ability to manage our finances well.

If we take the emotion away from how we frame our decisions, choices become yes or no questions. “Does this spending fit the clearly defined goals I’ve outlined for my financial future?”

this guy wants you to stop making yourself feel badly about money

If the answer is yes, great!

If the answer is no, it gives us an opportunity to examine our spending habits and the stories we’ve unknowingly told ourselves about why we spend. In the takeout example, perhaps we’ve just started cooking at home recently and it’s not yet enjoyable or quick. Or maybe we’re really struggling with meal prep for busy days and the idea of yet another warmed up frozen meal is not appetizing. Or it could be as simple as we’ve really, really been craving authentic Thai food from that place down the street where we spent so many great nights last summer with friends. None of these possibilities are “good” or “bad” scenarios, right? They just are. Understanding which one is the reason we chose to order Thai can help us in the future, if we can look at it objectively.

If we identify that cooking is slow and tedious, or we’re just struggling with foods being routine, we can look at changing prep time to include music, slicing and measuring portions of veggies and fruits ahead of time so all we have to do is dump ingredients together (I’ve been known to premeasure even things like cheese days ahead because I am still slow!), and trying one new recipe a week that looks plain fun. If we realize that we have had a hankering for Thai because we associate it with easy companionship and good conversations, maybe we can plan to invite friends over and make a crock pot curry next time.

The key is reframing our decisions to encourage an empowered mindset. If I thought about my cafeteria breakfast purchase this morning as a bad decision (yes, I totally did just this morning spend $8 on eggs and potatoes!), I’ve now reinforced the guilt cycle internally. Next time I get home late I’ll tell myself “Oh I’ll just make breakfast in the morning,” and when it doesn’t happen again I’ll be thinking, “Ugh! See, I still can’t get this right!” I had a little twinge at the $8 price tag, for sure, but I know by now that if I chastise myself internally over this, I’ll be more likely to do the same next time. Now instead of being able to shake off this one purchase as an aberration in the giant picture of my financial wizardry, it’s becoming a pattern associated with negative emotions. Feeling badly almost never leads to success in big endeavors.

So what the heck do we tell ourselves, then? Instead of being annoyed with my purchase this morning, I realize it’s simply a choice that I don’t like. I can clearly identify the variables that led up to this decision: I worked late last night and thought I’d prep my food this morning; I sure did sleep hard and didn’t get up on time; I forgot to boil eggs in my water for making coffee while I was showering (I thought I was a genius the first time I did that); I remembered I don’t have any bananas because I’m having an internal conflict about the ethics of buying bananas; and I hit the door with just coffee in hand. Did I berate myself all the way to work? Nope. I had a good chuckle about the very obvious outcome to my lack of preparation and the grand assumption that I could suddenly be expected to function before 5am when I don’t on any other day. I know I’m still committed to my finance journey, and I won’t allow a blip here and there to keep me from making forward progress.

If I start noticing a pattern, then yes, it’s time to revisit my goals and make sure they still match my values. Because every spending choice at its core boils down to that yes or no question, regardless of what caused us to spend in the past.

It helps, too, to remind ourselves of how awesome we are for being on this journey at all. I know that I’m a pretty amazing human woman that has the ability to choose how my money is spent — just think about that! That is power! Most of us are in a position right now to have the privilege to choose where our money goes! Even for those of us that are choosing to fulfill minimum payments that stretch our budgets incredibly thin, we are choosing to move forward. That’s incredible!

If you soon find yourself disappointed in an impulse buy, take a moment to stop and examine the feeling, then send it on its merry way. “Thanks, guilt, for showing up so I can look at this situation from a different perspective.”

“Does this spending choice align with my financial goals and my personal values?”

Happy Friday, finance friends!

The Importance of Feeling Abundant Without Money

Every summer I scale back my digital use to reconnect with sunshine, with nature, and most importantly with myself. Winter is often a time of deep reflection for me, and often leads to good changes in my habits, like starting to document my journey with finances here. While I didn’t anticipate that it would be difficult for me to maintain a writing schedule once summer hit, it’s been surprisingly insightful to put my ideas into practice without the daily support system I’d created for myself by reading the fantastic finance blogging community.

By far the biggest shift in beginning to achieve my finance goals has been changing my mental and emotional relationship to money. I’ve never been a typical consumer in the sense of clothes, shoes, or electronics, but I’ve certainly spent years of my adult life frivolously throwing cash at food, at music (primarily concerts that often meant more food and beverage spending), at experiences with my kiddo that I know now could have been done practically for free if I’d researched a bit more.

I thought I felt good about myself that I didn’t “want” the clothes and shoes that a lot of my friends enjoyed buying, but the truth is that I felt I “couldn’t afford” to buy unnecessary things and therefore I was a bit self-righteous in not desiring those things. Then I turned around and easily justified to myself the spending on lunches out with friends, coffee treats on payday, music shows where friends’ bands were playing, science museum passes, cheap seat movie tickets, and car rentals to drive to a far suburb where a friend was a theatre production designer for free admission to musicals that my son loved. I’m sure I spent a lot more on those choices than I ever would have on my style of clothing and shoes!

The difference now is that I’m not looking at my strict budget and feeling that I can’t purchase something — I’m looking at all the things I DO have and feeling grateful for my home, my pets, the appliances that make daily life easier, my car, my bicycle, and the fact I have a job that allows me the money for all of these things. It’s a choice not to “treat” myself to something that’s not really a treat, because I know that that $4 coffee isn’t worth losing sight of my goals. The choice not to treat myself with that $4 coffee is now self-rewarding, because I deeply love the ritual of making my own cup in the morning and sipping it while waking up slowly.

I’ve seen a lot of advice over the years regarding gratitude, such as ending your day with noting things for which you are grateful. I’ve been doing something similar for a few months, but I start my day in gratitude and thanks. Right as I wake up, I write (ok scribble, this is pre-caffeine and lacking glasses) something I am truly grateful for right that moment. Usually it’s my elderly dog snuggled up with me, but today it was the realization that it was only Sunday and I could read for a few hours instead of jumping up to go to work (this doesn’t happen very often, but what a GIFT that calendar-mis-awareness is!!). When I first started this practice, I was writing more along the lines of setting an intention for the day. I’ve found, however, that feeling thankful for what is already present in my life first thing has been even more profound. I don’t need to choose a specific intention, because everything I want is already present. This doesn’t mean all my debt is magically gone and I can retire tomorrow, rather, it does mean that right now I already have the tools and the drive to make that happen.

And so do you! Wherever you are in your financial journey, the fact you’re on the internet reading, researching, or making connections with folks in the finance blog world means you already have taken steps to move in the right direction for you. You already have everything you need to start that journey. I’ve realized that I have everything I need and more, and the pull of spending has rapidly lessened the more abundant I feel.